Christians living together without Marriage

(Written by Peter Voigt)
Nowadays increasingly, men and women choose to live as husband and wife without being married. It is alarming, that this has also infiltrated the Christian Society all over the world. We are reminded in Paul’s letter to the Romans: “Don’t copy the behaviours and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is”. (Romans 12: 2, New Living Translation)

It seems that more and more worldly behaviours and customs have crept into our Churches and they are tolerated and politely overlooked. Pastors don’t like to upset people, especially church members and think by overlooking such behaviour, it will go away, in time. Some even think that the Church has to go with the trend of time and adjust its attitude, so we can reach more people for Jesus Christ.

Now let us closer examine the whole issue.

What is Marriage?
We know from the Word of God that marriage is a lifelong, exclusive union of one man and one woman, as husband and wife. Scripture says: “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one”. (Ephesians 5: 31, New Living Translation) and in 1 Corinthians 7: 2 it says: “But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.”

God wants us to have a marriage relationship where he can bless the whole family. Outside marriage there is no blessing because God says: “Give honour to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.”

Why shouldn’t couples live together without marriage?
“With the Lord’s authority let me say this: Live no longer as the ungodly do, for they are hopeless confused. Their closed minds are full of darkness; they are far away from the life of God because they have shut their minds and hardened their hearts against him. They don’t care anymore about right and wrong, and they have given themselves over to immoral ways. Their lives are filled with all kinds of impurity and greed.” (Ephesians 4: 17-19, New Living Translation)

Men and women are not to live together as husband and wife, unless they are actually husband and wife. Otherwise living together without being married is sinning. As a Christian we should please God with our daily living and not arouse His anger.

“When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, your lives will produce these evil results: sexual immorality, impure thought, eagerness for lustful pleasure, idolatry, participation in demonic activities, hostility, quarrelling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, division, the feeling that everyone is wrong except those in your own little group, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other kinds of sin. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.” (Galatians 5: 19-21, New Living Translation)

Shouldn’t a couple find out if they are compatible?
Secular research has demonstrated that living together without marriage results in a relationship less stable and less fulfilling than marriage. Furthermore, couples who live together have a much higher risk of the following:

 Might not get married at all
 If they get married, there is a higher separation and divorce rate
 They have unhappier marriages
 It has a big impact on the children
 They have higher levels of depression, alcohol and drug problems
 The domestic violence is 56 times higher than in marriages

Through these statistics we can see, that it not always gold, that shines. God knows what a human being needs, because He has created us. When we are living outside his boundaries, than we will reap, what we sow.

What is the ultimate solution to this problem?
There are many solutions to conquer this problem. First at all, it starts in the Christian family. Parents should live a life, pleasing to God and show their children the right from the wrong. Teenagers should be educated about the purpose of their lives, how to live a godly life and let them know, that God’s advice for us, is for our own benefit and healthy living. God gave us rules on how we should live, that we have a life full of happiness, that we are physically and mentally healthy and that we acknowledge God as our Creator and Redeemer. God wants us to live life to its fullest, not only here on earth, but in eternity, too.

Pastors and congregations should not tolerate such behaviour and address it in a patiently and loving manner. They should pray with such couples and ask the Holy Spirit to penetrate their mind and hearts, to break down the resistance to the Word of God.

A couple living together without marriage needs to take concrete steps to end this situation. They might choose to separate, with no plan to get married, or they may choose to separate until they get married – hopefully soon. It is important that they make a commitment to marriage counselling before their wedding, and perhaps also afterwards.

It is important that both parties confess their sins to the Lord and ask Him for forgiveness and repent from their old ways. Couples who recognize their sin need also to hear God’s comforting word of promise: “But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.” (1 John 1: 9, New Living Translation)

Living together without marriage is being rebellious to God’s Word and lusting after the desires of the flesh. There is only one real reason, why a couple wants to live together, and that is to have convenient sex. You might say, that's not true. We want to be together because we love each other. If you really love one another so much, then why not making a commitment to each other and get married. Having all the fun and benefits of living together, without any commitment, is being selfish. This kind of emotion has nothing to do with true love. 1 Corinthians 13: 4 says: "Love is patient and kind, love is not jealous or boastful or rude. Love does not demand its own way, Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." (New Living Translation)

God makes it very clear, that sex outside marriage is sin.